Eleven Years

Eleven years ago today, I became a cancer patient.  It was not something I had ever thought about as a 33 year-old mother with two young children.  It was not part of the plan.  My world was turned upside-down with one phone call, eleven years ago this afternoon. 

Cancer doesn't care that you have young children.  Cancer doesn't care how much money you make.  Cancer doesn't care what your job is.  Cancer doesn't care that you have things to do.  Cancer doesn't care that you have people to take care of.  Cancer doesn't care that you have places you want to go.  Cancer doesn't care that you are way too young to have to deal with this.

Cancer is a selfish, ever-present enemy who can find anyone at anytime. 

Once you hear the words "you have cancer" or "the tumor was malignant," you are never the same.  From that very moment on, you are never the same.  It doesn't matter what kind of cancer you have, or how long it takes you to go from being a "cancer patient" to being a "cancer survivor," you are never the same.  No matter if you're the garbage man or a CEO, and no matter how much support you get from the people in your life, you are never the same. 

In that moment, the moment those words are spoken to you, you are instantly and permanently changed.  Changed in a way that only another cancer survivor can understand.  Your perspective about everything is changed permanently.

For this, I am thankful.  I appreciate every aspect of life more.  I appreciate small moments in life that are often overlooked by others.  I appreciate the people in my life.  I appreciate everything that God has blessed me with.  And I can deal with the ups and downs of life better.  I know that it could always be worse.  I know that "this too shall pass."  I know that God has a plan.  And eventhough I don't always like the way He executes the plan, He remains in charge. And I am learning so much on this journey. 

Eleven years. 

Even At My Worst I'm Best With You

There are so many levels of relationships that we have with people.  We have family, friends, coworkers, classmates, best friends, acquaintances, husbands, wives, children, etc.  We allow each of them to get to know us to a certain level.  If we are lucky, we have a friend (or two, or three) who know us completely.  If we have them, we are truly blessed.  I know, because I have three such friends myself. 

Don't make the mistake of thinking that we are all the same. The four of us range in age from 44 down to 27. Some of us are married, one is not. Some of us have children, one does not. My children are teenagers, the others have younger children. We all met at work, but only two of us still work at the same job. We are at different stages in our lives, going through different things at the moment. Yet I've never been closer to another person as I am with them.

The four of us get together a few times a year.  It doesn't matter what we do when we are together, the important thing is that we are together.  The last time we got together, we had dinner and one of us commented early on how it had been awhile since we were all together but that we all just seemed to pick up our conversation of our lives right where we left off last time.  We fell into a comfortable togetherness as if there had been no time at all between that night and our last evening together.  It's was like we had never been apart, even though it had been several months. 

These three friends know me better than anyone else on earth.  They know all the good, bad and ugly about me.  They know my strengths and weaknesses.  They know my sins and my triumphs.  They know my fears and my hopes.  They know my personality, my stupidity, my silliness, my sense of humor, and my downfalls.  And they still accept me and love me!

When we are together, I can completely relax.  I can completely be myself.  I can do or say anything without fear of ridicule or judgement.  Ok, that's not entirely true, there's potential for plenty of ridicule, but it would be all in fun.  We have supported each other over the last several years through so many of life's ups and downs.  Cried together and laughed together.  I have sought them out to just talk about stuff so many times when I was going through something.  I joke that they should send me a psychologist's bill, but it's entirely true.  I don't know where I would be without their support and acceptance and laughter and comfort and advice.

My life is far from perfect, but I am extremely blessed with these friends.  I love you Patty, Bailey & Amber! 


 

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Sound like a Christmas song?  It does, I know, but I'm not talking about the Christmas season.  I'm talking about March.  So many wonderful things happening.  Most (read: regular) people think of Spring and flowers blooming and warmer temps and windows open and things like that.  I, of course, am referring to sports. 

Today is the first day of this year's NCAA basketball tournament.  In the next four days, there will be 48 college basketball games played on several different tv channels.  Me, and literally millions of other fans like myself, will be flipping between these channels over the next four days watching, reacting, cheering, yelling at the tv, checking our picks, watching replays on Sportscenter, talking with our friends and probably ordering take-out.  For college basketball fans, life stops for the next four days...or, life begins. 

These games matter to us.  They're important and thrilling.  Everything our team has worked for comes together right now.  You lose and your season is over.  Survive and advance.  Any team can beat any team on any given day, especially this year.  And it's all on the line this weekend. 

This tournament and all the talk and brackets and excitement over the games and their outcomes brings so many people together.  We're all fans.  We all care.  We all have an opinion.  We love our teams.  We love to compare brackets and talk about the games.  People who seemingly don't have much in common talk about their picks or the crazy finish to some game. 

It's been this way for me and my family for almost as long as I can remember.  I remember being just a little girl and watching (and listening) to games with my dad.  I'd ask questions and he'd patiently answer them.  My earliest basketball memories are of watching Ralph Sampson and his University of Virginia teams play, and listening to Bradley basketball games on the radio and being so excited when they won the NIT in 1982.  Now as a grown woman with children of my own, he'll call and ask if we're watching some exciting game, or we'll talk about the game when I'm at his house, or we'll sit and watch games together.  We all have our brackets and make our picks.  Even my kids, and my family members who don't watch all the games all year like some of us do.  My mother, for example, often picks her winners based on school mascots or team colors.  Somewhat surprisingly, she will frequently do better in her picks than some of us (read: me) who study statistics like RPI and points-per-posession and pay attention to Joe Lunardi's opinions. 

It's a crazy, wonderful, exciting, passionate time of year.  And I love it.  I love everything about it.  I love the game of basketball on every level from grade school to the NBA.  It's complex and exciting and amazing. 

But as much as this is the most exciting time of the college basketball season, it is also the beginning of the end.  When this tournament is sadly all over, however, we have baseball season beginning!  I'm sure y'all know that baseball is my love.  I could write a whole separate blog about my love for that game!  It's a totally different game.  Slower, much more majestic, but just as complex and exciting in it's own way.  But basketball, especially college ball, is a very close second in my heart. 

This is what makes this the best time of the year for me.  We have these amazing, exciting few weeks filled with important basketball games that everybody cares about and watches and when it all ends, we slide right into the best season around.  I'm in sports heaven right now.  And that's why this, for me, is the absolute best time of the year.

It Never Was About The Bike

So much talk.  So many opinions.  So much judgement. So many stones thrown.

One of the books Lance Armstrong wrote is entitled It's Not About the Bike.  And that really sums it all up for me.  I did not become a Lance Armstrong fan because of what he did on that bike in the French Alps.  At all.  The competition level in those races was merely leveled by his cheating.  He cheated, he lied, and like almost everyone else who hasn't been completely truthful, he tried to cover it up.  This isn't about the cheating and the lies and the cover-up.  Winning those races and the fame that it brought to Lance was really only a means to an end.  And not the end you think.  Yes, he became rich from the sponsors and endorsements and books, but the primary goal was to bring awareness and funding to the fight against cancer.  He has always said that this was his goal.  And as a cancer survivor, THIS is what's it's about for me.

Lance is a very strong-willed, passionate man when it comes to cancer.  He was given a death sentence and he simply refused to go along with it.  The details of the fight that he and his mother lauched against this disease are amazing.  The fight and perservernce that he showed later in the Tour were clearly shown in his fight against the disease and the system that treated it.  He attacked it, just like he did the mountain stages years later.  He used their experiences and the knowledge and perspective that they gained to help literally millions of people who have received the same diagnosis.  Including myself.  The information, resources, network and support that the LIVESTRONG organization has provided has been groundbreaking and invaluable.   

Unless you've heard the words "you have cancer" yourself, there is no way you can understand the toll that those three words can take on you.  Physically and emotionally.  Lance took the reins after he survived and did SO INCREDIBLY MUCH for the fight against cancer.  He was the face of the fight for so many years.  He gave cancer survivors support, information, a network, and most importantly...hope.  And that hope is invaluable.  THAT is what it's about. 

So while you're reading and listening to stinking everyone and their brother giving their opinion on Lance, what he's done, and his admission, please remember that the focus needs to be on his survival and his enormous efforts to help those who are fighting this horrible disease.  It's not about the drugs.  It's not about the cheating.  It's not about the lies.  It's not about the admission.  It's not about the bike.  It never, ever was.  And it never should be.