Very Last Country Song

"If nobody did nobody wrong
If we knew what we had before it was gone
If every road led back home
This would be the very last country song."

-Sugarland

We all have ups and downs in life.  Some more than others and all different from each other.  My husband quitting work, going back to school, and me being the only source of income just a few years after we got married was stressful.  My miscarriage back in 1995 was unexpected and scary.  My cancer diagnosis in 2002 was extremely frightening and life-changing.  Last summer, with difficult team parents, coaching disagreements, and flat-out lies being told about my husband made the summer of baseball (which I love and look forward to) stressful and disappointing and so not the refuge from daily stress that it usually is.  We've survived all of these stresses and have come through stronger, wiser, and more faithful.

Twenty-twelve has presented me with many new challenges however.  One thing after another has been bombarding me month after month and I made a comment last month to someone that it feels like my life has turned into a country song.  It was a funny comment that made them laugh, but wow it's true. 

In January, my beloved golden girl Kama passed away in my arms.  She had not been herself for little while and we (mostly I) knew it was coming, but that doesn't take away the pain of losing such a special girl.  At the end of March, my husband unexpectedly and wrongfully lost his job.  I could write a whole other blog about this experience, and maybe I will, but suffice to say that the past few months have been an extremely stressful and difficult time for us because of this.  In May, our other golden boy Wrigley was diagnosed with a pigmentary uveitis, which is a genetic and blinding disease common to golden retrievers.  There is nothing we can do but try to slow down the progress of the disease and hope that he passes away of natural causes at a ripe old age before succumbing to the inevitable blindness.  Our only other option is to learn to live with a blind dog.  Which we will do, of course, if necessary.  It just seems like it's one thing after another.  We're half-way through the year and we've had three devastating events.  Of course there is no way I am going to ask "What else could go wrong?" because it inevitably would, and would be much worse.  That's just like asking for trouble.

Luckily, we are surrounded by so many wonderful people who have supported us and encouraged us and continue to do so daily.  Friends, family, a great vet, our pastor and church family...just so many people have been there for us in different ways.   Even just people in passing who take the time to talk or send a text or leave a comment on your Facebook page...they all make a difference more than most people realize.  The point is, regardless of the circumstances of your life, you are only as strong as the people surrounding you.  Thank you to the people who are helping me survive my "country song" type of year.  I love you.

Reflections on Eleven

I realized not long ago that I hadn't posted a blog page in months and months.  My life is so busy with work, sleep, taking care of my family, keeping them organized and keeping up with all of their activities that I just lost track of time and never sat down to put my many thoughts into word.  Changing that with this blog.

I've tought a lot about the past year and all that I've learned.  About myself, about others, about my kids and about life.  I know that I'll forget some (read: many)  things, but here goes....

*  Sometimes leaving something alone is the best path to take.  Especially with kids.  Sometimes the more you try to help, the more stress it causes.  They are capable.  Let them show you.

*  People are going to hurt & disappoint you.  Even the ones you love.  Forgiveness happens daily.  Sometimes hourly...

*  No matter how long it has been since you've been with a true friend, when you're with them again it is just like it was yesterday.

*  No matter how much you try to be better or different or improve yourself, some people will always think of you the same way they always have.  That doesn't mean you can stop trying to be better.

*  I can't be everything to everyone.  No matter how hard I try. 

*  I can't make everyone happy.  No matter how hard I try.

*  Sometimes you're empty.  You can only give and give and give of yourself for so long before you've got nothing left.  Find something that recharges you and replenishes your soul and makes you happy. 

*  Sometimes you just have to let things go.

*  Don't hold other people to the same expectations that you hold yourself to.  

*  Be confident and look people in the eye.  Regardless of how you feel inside.

*  Sometimes the thing that you love causes you stress and pain.  Keep on loving it.  Things will come around eventually.  Everything is temporary.   This too shall pass.